I remember when I was a new mom. For all you moms out there reading this (does anyone read this? I don't know...) I am sure that you remember the fear and anxiety that came along with having that new baby.
It started in the hospital ... this bulb is for when my baby chokes? What am I going to do if he/she chokes? Should I hold like this to nurse? or this? Is this supposed to hurt? Does that hurt him? I'm supposed to do this cord care? How often? How long is it going to look like that? You are sending him home with me and Tommy?????? We are in charge of his life????
Then you get home ... How many wet diapers today? Was he wet the last time I changed him? What time did he eat last? Which boob did I end with? If he eats now ...what time will he eat next? Is that him groaning? Is he going to the bathroom? Does his stomach hurt? Why isn't he eating? How many ounces should I be pumping out ... what's normal? How do I know if he is getting enough? Why doesn't my husband wake up in the middle of the night? How can he sleep thru this? What time is it? Am I really still in my PJs at 4pm? What have I done today?
Oh I could go on and on ... but, you get the picture. Once you have that precious child, your life is forever changed ... you have a new title. You are mom now ....
Along with "mom" comes an instinct that might send you to the ER in the middle of the night ... it may make you go in the baby's room 4 times the first time he sleeps thru the night. It may cause you to call home just to check. There is no way to escape it ... and there is no way to explain it to a daddy.
Being with Erin Cantrell yesterday reminded me of Tucker being a newborn and the FOG that I was in for the first 6-8 weeks. Those questions just going over and over in my mind..... I remember having a few conversations with my sister and Tommy and finally coming to the realization that this child is a child of Gods. Tommy and I are the earthly parents of this precious little boy ... but He is in control of his life, his destiny. It was a freeing time for me to realize that I could do all I could do/should do ... and let God do the rest.
We had a great time seeing precious AJ. Erin is an amazing mom already and I look forward to seeing her as the stages get more and more fun. Annie was with me ... and was sure to bring her dolly, blankie and pink blanket special for AJ to experience. Those are her prized posessions - so, to share them is a major deal to her. We were already in the car and she realized she had forgotten them -- so, I let her go back in and get them - it meant so much to her for AJ to use those as he was swinging.
Amazing ... my little 3 year old girl already has the female instincts that will one day, hopefully, turn into the mommy instinct that we all know .......
3 comments:
amen to all of that. it is so true. there is this overwhelming sense of fear and worry...what if i do something wrong? what if i mess up? what if...? what if...? i, too, found a lot of freedom in realizing that i certainly have and will mess up...and that she is His, and He has a perfect plan for Dylan IN SPITE of me and my many weaknesses and shortcomings! praise Jesus for His grace and mercy...and praise Him for these precious little ones that forever change our lives! love your thoughts. your children are precious!
taylor
i love your sweet blog. you made me feel so normal yesterday and i sorda felt a weight lifted off of me. thank you for reminding me that Aj is completely His. why is it so easy to forget these things and try to take verything into my own hands. pray that i may be able to relinquish this with my whole heart. i love you so mcuh.
erin
great post heather! its so great hearing and talking with other moms about different experiences and feelings!! we all go through the same things.
i CONTINUALLY have to remind myself that jackson is just on "loan" to us as we walk this earth and that his Heavenly Father knows exactly what is best. its definitely comforting, but so much easier to say it than actually and fully relinquish it...atleast for me. :-)
Post a Comment